Were You There?

This question has been in my head for several days now. It isn't really a question. It's more like a snippet of a song. Were you there when they crucified my Lord? I don't know why it's in my head, but it keeps bugging me. I woke up one day and it was the first thing that registered. Don't ask me why because I don't know. I really don't. Today I woke up and the same thing happened. Obsess kali ba.. But obsess of what? While I was studying for my next paper pun it came into my mind. So I'll try to clear my mind by writing this down.

Were you there when they crucified my Lord?

Some of you may get the image of The Passion of Christ when you encounter this question. So the obvious answer to that question is, no la ba kan. Matai, mo dakat 2000 years ago ba that.

But to me, when I see this question, what springs into my mind was a normal day in class. It was still during the World Cup craze and people came to class in their fav team's jersey. There's a particular team that has a cross on their badge/symbol/whatever..I don't know what it's called. :D But anyway the girl who wore that shirt wasn't a Christian and her friends started jeering at her. They mocked the cross and acted as if the cross was the grossest symbol ever. This happened right behind me. I repeat, right behind me. Ada la around 30 - 45cm punya distance. Kalau main sukat guna ludah, nda payah pun guna full power untuk sampai. Anyway, you know what hurts me the most? I didn't say a thing. It was like they were crucifying Him right behind me and I didn't say a thing. So yes, I was there when they crucified Him with their actions. I don't know how many times was I present when they crucified Him. But this one sticked to my mind. After class I went back to my room and cried. I silently cried because I felt ashamed of myself for not defending Him. Why didn't I put up a fight? I felt like a chicken in yellow feathers. A coward. A stinking coward. So I cried. I mean how can you say you love someone when you can't even defend them? I have been blaming myself since then. I told my parents and my most trusted teacher about this incident. They told me that God would understand and it isn't my fault. They meant well, I know. But those words didn't help at all. It was only recently that I realized that even in my silence I was defending Him. Yes, even silence meant defending Him. 

You see, I could have raised some chaos right there and then. But chaos my dear, isn't one of God's attributes. In my silence, there was peace. Sure la, my jiwa manada in peace directly after that. But the class was in peace :) Everything continued as usual. 

What if I had started a fight? I could have dissed them too. Mesti puas hati kan? Wrong. My classmates and I would be in a constant war and everyday would be like walking on eggshells. Salah cakap sikit mesti gaduh. Adeh, punya tension tu macam tu. I love my classmates regardless of their race, religion or beliefs. Not all la, but I try to see their positive sides instead of the bikin-panas side. Apa, ko fikir senang ka mo suka semua orang..haha. Masih trying sya bilang tu. Why? Because I believe that God is Love :) and in Love there's everlasting peace. So sya kasi maaf la dorang even though dorang ndada pun minta maaf..hee. Ndapa la ba tu. I still love my classmates :)

Maybe some of you have been in my position too. Sometimes maintaining your silence is a way of defending your beliefs too. Not all the time la, but sometimes. My God is is the God of Peace, Love and Hope.

So anytime whenever the question were you there when they crucified my Lord? pops into your head and you feel like you did nothing, think back. Maybe by doing nothing you have manifested God's glory :) 

May peace be with you and eternal love surround you :)