Daddy, Mommy..thank you.

This entry is super long. So you can give up now :) it's the point of no return. I warned you, it's long. 

Daddy & Mommy Dearest,

I think you and Momma know that I'm no good with spoken words. Remember the little frightened girl who used to send you letters whenever she had something to tell you all or after every fight? The same girl who who slipped the letters under your door at night or left it on the dressing table after you've gone to sleep? I'm still that little girl. The girl who breaks down whenever she wants to say something that comes from her heart. The only difference is that I'm no longer little.

Funny how I can actually defend my side in debates without a tear in my eye but I can't say this to you both. Funny how I can speak my mind spontaneously in public speaking competitions but I can't come up with words spontaneously when it comes to this. Funny how I can memorize and tell stories in pretty words but I know I'd be speechless if you were here.

So I have to say this in written words. I hope that one day you'd come across this entry and see how much I'm thankful for everything you've done.

Meh, Deh..you know that I'm very sensitive in my studies. You all were there when I cried my guts out for not achieving straight A's in my UPSR. That one B grade was my first real heartbreak. Thank you for not scolding me. Thank you for fetching me that day. I know you guys got out early from work to fetch me even though the walk from home is not far. Words can't tell you how much I'm thankful for that. The pain hurt so much that I was sure I could die from it. Thank you for being there.

Thank you for being strict to me during my teenage years. Thank you for not allowing me to hang out with my friends at parties late at night. I remember being angry at you guys for that, I'm sorry for being mad. Thank you for always keeping an eye on me during those tricky years. I am what I am today because of you. I am where I am today because of you. Thank you for helping me see the lengths and depths I could achieve. Thank you for making me see that my life is bigger than my so-called-friends. I guess you've always known that not all of them would stick around.

Daddy, remember when I used my grumpy voice when you asked me how I was feeling when I was getting ready to get my PMR results? You did not say anything, you just smiled and tried to comfort me. I got mad because you messed up my hair. Again you smiled. It was only after taking my results that I found out that you and Mommy knew about my results since the beginning. But you didn't spoil my surprise. Daddy you know, if I were you I would've told me the results earlier on to stop me being grumpy. But you knew that knowing my results from you would not be the same as knowing the results on my own. Thank you Daddy.  I thank you both for everything that you've given to me as my preparation for the exams.

I will always remember the sacrifice you did for me when I was heading for my pre-U studies. You just came back from climbing Mt. Kinabalu the previous day. Your leg hurt so bad that we had to take a flight to Labuan because you couldn't drive. You even offered to carry my luggage. Remember scolding me for being clumsy? I didn't say anything because it was my fault and it was also my way of saying thank you. During the registration, I had to handle things on my own. I was quite nervous because I'm so used having you both around. Even when you were tired, you keep telling me how you are so proud of me. My room was on the third floor and there was no elevator. I know your leg would hurt because of the climb so I offered to take the luggage and that I'll clean things up on my own. Of course, you rejected it. In excitement I ran up the stairs looking for my room. When I was on the third flight of stairs, you were still on the second flight of stairs. I know because I saw your nearly-white head struggling with my luggage from above. I cursed myself for packing so much stuff. I thank you Daddy for offering to go buy my toiletries while I was eating lunch with my friend. Mommy, thank you for willing to accompany me to shop even though you were so tired. I know at that time our family had financial crisis. But you still bought for me the shoes which were quite pricey. Thank you Ma. You were willing to sacrifice your lunch time to accompany me to get my 'baju kurung' done. I know you hate driving during the jam Ma, but you did it countless of times for me. Thank you Ma, thank you.

And now that I'm in a university of my choice, I'm still a burden to your shoulders. I know I should be responsible with my spendings. I am sorry. I will try harder to be frugal. I still remember the moment you both left my room on the 27th of June, 2009. I know I cried. Thank you for being concerned parents. Thank you for the stuff you bought me for my University preparation. Thank you for being proud of me even though I didn't pursue the course I've always wanted. Even if you didn't tell me, I know you're proud of me from the look in your eyes. Daddy thank you for always being the shoulder I can cry on whenever my studies frustrate me. Mommy thank you for being the place I turn to when I fight with my friends.

Mommy and Daddy dearest, I still have 2 more years to complete my studies. It'll be a roller coaster ride for me. But I know you both would be there through every bump. I just know that you'd be there. Thank you for every prayer you've offered for me.Thank you for helping me face the most recent bump. It's bugged me ever since I sat for that exam. I've been so obsessed by it that it haunts my every thought, even when I'm sleeping. Thank you Daddy for picking me up and dusting me off. Thank you for giving me the courage to do things I never thought I could do. 

Mommy and Daddy dearest, I love you both. I know it's been awhile since I've said this. I'm just not good with words. I love you from the day I was created, you guys might as well be my first love. I'm so glad that God chose you both to be my parents. I'll make you proud. I will. I promise.

Love, hugs & prayers from your daughter,

Elisa Eligius Samuel