On Friendship and Heartbreaks

I don't really know how to start this. I think all of us who have friends have been through this. Just let me share my own experience la ho. 

I've wanted to blog about this since like forever but I just don't want to do it when I'm hurt and angry. To some of you who might know me and my bunch of friends, you might notice that it's not the same bunch no more. Ada yang missing kan? No need la to mention names. 

You might wonder what caused it, right? I don't really know. But most probably it's because of the things that were left unsaid. I'm like a volcano. I usually keep things to myself. What made me erupt was the fact that she was talking about me behind my back to someone who I consider a stranger. He's not literally a stranger la, just that I don't know him well even though he's my senior. She keeps telling him personal stuff about me. For what reason, I still don't know why. The senior said it's because they're concerned about me. Yea right! If they're so concerned, then why don't you ask me straight? Furthermore, what's to be concerned about? Let's just call her Lady Buttkiss. We used to do stuff together , shop together.. But now we're like complete strangers. I'm hurt by her action. Lady Buttkiss likes to turn the stories around. I was like real mad when I was accused of doing stuff I didn't do. What the fish man! Haih. You might think it's no big deal but to me, that's betrayal. I can't tell you the whole story here for privacy purposes. If you want to know more, then ask me.

I'm just tired of her sacrificing her friends just to please the senior. I don't like buttkissers. I never did like those kind of people even when it was my b*** they were kissing. Buttkissers are never a good kind of friend because they never tell you the truth. If you (Lady Buttkiss) are reading this, then you should know that we ARE very hurt by your actions. When will you stop? And now that this has happen, you try to make it look as if we are the villains. Would you please come clean for once? I've forgiven you twice for the same mistake, but why do you keep repeating it? I'm really disappointed with you. But you know what, if you'd only admit your wrongdoings and say sorry, I know I'd still find a way to forgive you. Don't ask for my trust though. Because I can't give you that anymore. I've seen how you handle people's trust and I don't like it. 

I can't promise you my friendship but I can smile everytime we meet. We won't be friends but we won't be enemies either. Let's just be acquaintances. 

Maybe you'll scorn at this post. Maybe you'll pretend that I'm talking about someone else. Or maybe you'll just taint my image more by saying things about me to your so-called current friends. I no longer care. Because I know, someday the people who are on your side now will feel what I feel. 

In your craze in overtaking people, in putting yourself high up above the others, you sacrificed your friends who once upon a time would stand by you no matter what. Friends who would share your burdens without complaining. Friends who would eat instant noodles with you when you hit a financial crisis. Friends who would have your back in any situation. 

I hope you would not do the same mistake with your friends now. Do not betray anyone else anymore. Because if you keep destroying things around you, in the end you'd have to build it all up from the beginning. And friendship is not something that you could build up with lies. 

I don't hate you. I really don't. I might have said it out of anger but deep down I don't hate you. May peace be with you :)

Let's snap out of the moppy mood. *snap* Alright, back to the happy me :D These are some of my favourite quotes on friendship that I picked up from here and there:

I've learned that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do love each other.

I've learned that no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

This might be my last post for this semester. So people, may your friendships be filled with pastel rainbows and fluffy bunnies :). And even when your friendship gets rocky, I hope that you'd get through it and one day laugh about it. It's possible to pull through, believe me. I've been through it and now I laugh when I think about those times. Your friends will hurt you, no matter how close you are. You just have to decide whether your friendship is worth it. If it is, then find a way to forgive. If it is not, then being alone is better than being in bad company :)

HAPPY HOLIDAYS EVERYONE :)

p/s: see you next semester mr. hot stuff! :D

If I love like you, what business is it of yours? (Johann Wolfgang von Goethe)

I just had to say that. I like this quote. One of my favourites actually. Why? Because I practice it..haha. Much to my closest friends' annoyance though. Sorry guys. Ok thanks, bai. :)

p/s: the real quote is 'if i love you, what business is it of yours?' by the johann dude :)

One More and Then We'll Call It a Sem!

It's a cold night tonight. It's so cold that I'm wearing my cute but strikingly orange socks. The combination is so weird that I refuse to look at myself in the mirror now. A PJ top, paired with blue Hello Kitty shorts and orange socks just does not complement each other. O and not to forget my pink 'room sandals/slippers'. I don't know what it's called specifically but basically it's those slippers you use in the room.

I cross my heart and hope that my crush doesn't read this. Yea well, I know the things we girls do to impress our crush(es?). But you know what, I don't want to be pretty all the time. Not tonight at least :D 

It's so cold that I'm actually like a spring roll. Even typing this is quite hard because I have to battle with the comforter around me. Haha! The easiest way to solve this is by shutting the windows. No way, man. I'd rather feel cold than suffocated. Biar tu fan full swing. Haha!

Anyways, I'm done with my sixth paper. Yea, you heard me right. Sixth paper. I'm sitting for 7 papers this sem. Crazy kan? My last is on the 30th and then it's back to Sabah for me :) Wee~

I'm really worried about my results for this sem even though I've worked my tail off. Next sem, I pledge to be a siput babi.

For those of you who don't know, this is a siput babi. A herd of cuter versions of it la :)

I'm going to take everything slow and not be in a rush. I'm going to have time to actually explore Johor. I'm not going to worry about college programmes or stuff like that. I'm going to have fun! :) O and I think it's high time that I contributed in church. It's been years since I last did that. Unless you count carolling and choirs la. Yep, I love singing :) I'm not really good at it but I like it. I used to be a dancer once upon a time. I kinda miss those moments. The shows, competitions and all that. Back to the topic! I think it's time I give back what God has given me. Okay that sounds whiny. What I meant to say is, I want to give instead of receiving. From my personal experience, I'm happier when I give compared to when I get. I'm not saying that I don't like to receive aa. Lebih2 lagi musim2 mo dekat Christmas ni..hehe. 

Speaking of Christmas, I can't wait to go shopping for Christmas gifts! :D *excited excited* Can't wait to wrap them up and place them under the tree :) Can't wait to see 'Elisa' on one of those gifts. O yeay! Have to go home..

Have to find the usual taxi I rent to send me to the airport. I have to remind myself. Nanti I lupa, then termiss flight. NO~!! Oh the horrors! :o

Oh, these are pics to illustrate me currently:

This is exactly me. Except my books don't contain words, they contain formulae. Lot's of 'em.
And I study with my MP3 plugged in :) that's missing too.

This is me when I've given up and hoping the 'osmosis' theory actually works.
Substance flows from concentrated areas to the less concentrated ones, no?

Uhh okay, this is a bit extreme

Ooh, frustration looks good on this dude
I'm just saying, you know :)

Something to look forward to the next sem:

This is how I'd be feeling the WHOLE SEM! just chilling~
in other words, 'lek sha wa'

I must see the sunset view from Johor :)

My Homework For My 20th Birthday

Ya sya tau, 2 posts in such a short time. I'm currently going through some turmoils. Haih. I hate it when friends fight. I don't like the feeling of being angry at someone you once considered a friend. *sigh* The theme song for my mood tonight is Angels Cry by Mariah Carey. No use to be moody because of it anyway. Apa mo jadi, jadi la. Let's concentrate on the happy side for now okay? :)

i choose to be happy :)

I'm 20! :)

with the Birthday Girl power, I order you people to have fun! 

Dude, I am 20! No, not twenty. It's twen-teen, thank you very much :) I don't really mind getting older actually. It's a blessing maa :D So I had a simple celebration with my friends. I don't really like celebrating my birthday extravagantly with people I don't know. I rather do it in a small scale but with people who actually knows me. I mean, to me kan, birthday celebrations are all about celebrating and cherishing another year of someone's life. So what's the point of having a big party with people who have never been in my life? Anyway, I celebrated my birthday with my favourite food. Chinese food and Secret Recipe cakes, baby!

Elisa is HAPPY! :D

caramel cheese :) one of my fav.. yumm yumm :P

mommy sya bilang jangan main makanan
so sya tulis nama sya seja la, kira mo buat muka juga

ini kawan sya, Becca & sya. kami suka bergambar :)

this is a happy Jee Wen :D

whaaaaaattt? it's my birthday dude, i'm allowed to fatten myself up maa
lubang idung tu ba, matai :D

dilarang jealous okay? :D

abis suda cake ko?

So anyway, thank you guys for the celebration :) I appreciate it much! Kalau boleh, every day pun sya mo birthday :D

Finally! I'm not crazy!

Okay, here's the thing. I've been battling with some kind of emotional stress since the beginning of this semester. And it became worse in these few weeks. It might seem as I've been doing okay all this while. Well yeah, it comes and goes you know? Macam line celcom di bilik sya la, kijap ada kijap tiada. At first, I told myself that I could handle it. Yakin ba kunun hati sya tegap. Some times memang okay, some times I cannot do anything. 

hujan :)

It's raining right now :) Not heavy though. I just love the rain you know. There's a beauty in it that nobody can explain. It's beauty is something that you can see, you can smell and you can hear. O and you can definitely feel its beauty. (This sounds like a status I made in Fb once. Oh well~) But that beauty can't be touched. Once you touch it, it's just well..water. 

I like walking in the rain :) Well some times la. For instance, if I have another class later on, I won't walk in the rain because I find it troublesome. Leceh ba tu, mo mandi pas tu hair dry rambut, iron baju..gaahh! BUT, if it's the end of the class for the day and it rains I won't really mind walking in the rain. And the fact that I seldomly get sick allows me to do this constantly. The last time I've been down with something was back in 2006. That's like what, 4 years ago? Haha :D But I never allow anyone to follow this crazy fetish of mine. Ya la, nanti dorang sakit sya yang rasa bersalah. Ngehh. 

So usually I don't do it with my friends around :) Come to think of it, gila jga la 4 years tidak sakit. But seriously, memang sya tia sakit in these 4 years. Tia tau napa. Ada darah superman ba kali sya ni. 

You know what's the best thing about walking in the rain? No sweat. Like literally. You can run as fast and as far as you want and when you stop, you won't be sweating. Bahaha! It's like the ultimate exercise for me because I won't sweat. Ya la, all this while my friends invited me to jog pun I decline because I don't like to sweat. Nda selesa ba, bau lagi tu. Yai. That's another thing I have to get over. Sweat. Jadi babi nanti ni..ngehh.

As A Reply to the Note I Was Tagged in Fb

1. Describe yourself 
- Broken Hearted Girl/Beyonce (what the fish? XD)

2. What do people feel when they’re around you? 
- How Do You Sleep/Jesse McCartney

3. Describe your current relationship 
- Party In the USA/Miley Cyrus (bahaha! hey why not?)

4. Where would you like to be right now?
 - Ridin' Solo/Jason Derulo (=.='')


5. How do you feel about love?
 - Wall to Wall/Chris Brown


6. What is your life like? 
- Baby Steps/David Archuleta

7. What would you wish for if you only had one wish?
 - Apologise/One Republic (seriously, yes)

8. Say something wise
 - Two is Better Than One/Boys Like Girls ft. Taylor Swift

9. How would you describe yourself? 
- When I'm Gone/Simple Plan

10. What do you look for in a guy? 
- Your Biggest Fan/Never Shout Never!

11. How do you feel today 
- With Love/Hillary Duff

12. What’s your life’s purpose?
 - Shadowfeet/Brooke Fraser

13. What is your motto? 
- You're Still the One/Shania Twain

14. What do your friends think of you? 
- Naturally/Selena Gomez :)

15. What do your parents think of you? 
- Come Home/One Republic ft. Sara Bareilles  :'(

16. What do you think about very often? 
- Cry/Mandy Moore (bhe, paling 'ngam')

17. What do you think of your best friend?
 - Stop and Stare/One Republic (heck yea, she's hot!)


18. What do you think of the person you like? 
- Fly on the Wall/Miley Cyrus

19. What is your life story? 
- Russian Roulette/Rihanna

20. What do you want to be when you grow up? 
- Cooler Than Me/Mike Posner (hahaha! nice)


21. What do you think of when you see the person you like? 
- Perfect Nightmare/Shontelle (odoi odoi odoi)

22. What will you dance to at your wedding? 
- Stuck in the Moment/Justin Beiber

23. What will play at your funeral? 
- Fearless/Taylor Swift

24. Biggest fear?
 - About You Now/Miranda Cosgrove

25. Biggest secret? 
- 2012/Jay Sean ft. Nicki Minaj


Done and done. Good night people :) God bless you 

When You Say Your Prayers

It's a cloudy Thursday. I'm in my room trying to clear my mind from all the anger I feel in me. So anyway, I was shuffling through my MP3 and I found this song. Hope it would give you peace as it has to me :)

If you ever wondered when you pray at night

If it makes a difference, if it sets things right 

Everytime you say your prayers 

Whispered in the dark 

Somewhere deep inside you 

Just know with all your heart 

As sure as God's in heaven, there's someone who cares 

And somebody's listening when you say your prayers

A prayer can be your thinking 

A prayer can be a wish

A prayer can say 'I'm Sorry'

Like a hug or like a kiss

It doesn't have to be just right 

God hears you loud and clear

As long as it comes from your heart

It goes right to His ears

As sure as God's in heaven, there's someone who cares

And somebody's listening when you say your prayers

Oh as sure as God's in heaven, there's someone who cares

And somebody's listening when you say your prayers

Just know somebody's listening when you say your prayers

This song is specially dedicated to my friends Becky and Jee Wen. The number of people who knows the truth may be limited, but girl, God knows. I'm sorry for not being born with superpowers so that I could defend the truth. I'll always be around, you know that :) Keep praying because God is the best listener, like ever.

p/s: courtesy to my lil' brother yang telah mencuri MP3 saya dan cukup berhemah untuk memasukkan lagu siuk. kakak loves you (kadang-kadang).

Daddy, Mommy..thank you.

This entry is super long. So you can give up now :) it's the point of no return. I warned you, it's long. 

Birthdays!! :D

I like celebrating birthdays! :) Doesn't matter if it's mine or someone else's. It doesn't make it less important anyway, does it? As usual the GIFTers would hit this place called Melody after mass (13th November 2010). So since this is the month of November, we celebrated the Novemberites' birthdays..haha! Aiyo, I will be 20 o this year. Twen-teen actually..;)

It was really sweet. :') I actually felt like hugging every one of them. Tapi takut juga nanti they charge me for sexual harassment. :D But seriously guys, I really appreciated it. Boleh sya nangis ka? :')

Happy Birthday Novemberites' :D

hehe..sori sya tia tau nama, fifie and i :)
happy gila kan

happiness shines..ahaha! 

simple but very meaningful

i like this pic :)

teh c ping sya sama tu sup interframe..ngehh

doi napa ba expression sya macam tu?

It has always been a tradition for my family to celebrate birthdays. Including our home helper also. To me dorang tu boleh kira family suda ba :) So in a year, we'll be celebrating around 11 birthdays. Tu belum kira perayaan lain-lain lagi tu. 1Malaysia ba kunu..haha. So it's no wonder why I'm fat. 

You know why I like celebrating birthdays? Yes, celebrating someone's birthday can mean you're celebrating the fact that God has granted them another full year to live on Earth. But for me, every time I celebrate someone's birthday, I am celebrating the fact that God had chosen them to be born and to be in my life no matter how close/un-close they are to me. I believe that there's a reason for every one to actually know each and every one of the people they know. Yes, I believe that there's a reason you came across this post and actually read this :)

Heck baby, I believe in semi-destiny and semi-fate :) Maybe I am a hopeless romantic but that's what I believe. God gave all of us free will. Which means that we could choose how our lives would turn out like, right? Evenso, I believe that God would always give guidances in our lives. And it's always up to us to listen to His voice or to buat blurr. @.@ <= my definition of buat blur.

You know, I think all of us should be glad that God does not think like me. Haha! Because if I were God, I wouldn't create human beings. Even if I did create human beings it would be out of pure entertainment. O and I wouldn't give them free will. You know why? Because I would not want to be so in love with someone who hurts you badly, says sorry then do it again-400 times a day. Bagus kalau pandai cakap sorry. Have you imagined that? No? Try it.

It's quite an eye-opener really. So I try to make good use of my free will. But it's hard.

People say/do things, I get ticked off then I have this anger in me which burns like petrol on fire. So yeah, it's hard. I know that it is for every one too. But hey, we have to keep fighting. :)

God loves you no matter who you are. Your background is nothing because each and every one of us are his masterpieces. :) He died for us once, and I know He'd do it again just to see every one of His children back home.

Demm! He's Freaking Hot!

I know I say this a lot. But seriously dude, this guy is hot with a capital H. HOT!! Bak kata Sean Kingston, fire burning on the dance floor. Let me define my version of hotness from the pics below. Yes, I have folders for beautiful dudes. Haha! I know right. Urang bilang, a picture speaks millions of words. 

Hot Stuff #1 - Lee Dong Wook (Korean Actor)
yesh, me like guys who can look classy in T's and jeans

I Miss Home :(

Nah ko, 2 posts in a day. No, I am not bored. Too busy with exams to be bored. 7 papers o this sem. Die kan? I am just homesick. I remember my senior asking me if I ever get bored at home. Are you crazy? Those monkeys come up with new things every day. I miss the spontaneity of my family's outings. Sometimes on Saturday mornings after the morning mass (kalau sya rajin bangun..hee), Cheli and I would bring my dad go makan dimsum. If can everyday pun sya mo o. Tapi daddy sya cakap 'jaga-jaga jadi babi'. Cheli and I would respond, 'makanlah sebelum anda dimakan'. I miss jalan2 cari sungai or kedai makan baru. I miss shopping for the ingredients for new recipes. Haih.

Were You There?

This question has been in my head for several days now. It isn't really a question. It's more like a snippet of a song. Were you there when they crucified my Lord? I don't know why it's in my head, but it keeps bugging me. I woke up one day and it was the first thing that registered. Don't ask me why because I don't know. I really don't. Today I woke up and the same thing happened. Obsess kali ba.. But obsess of what? While I was studying for my next paper pun it came into my mind. So I'll try to clear my mind by writing this down.

Were you there when they crucified my Lord?

Some of you may get the image of The Passion of Christ when you encounter this question. So the obvious answer to that question is, no la ba kan. Matai, mo dakat 2000 years ago ba that.

But to me, when I see this question, what springs into my mind was a normal day in class. It was still during the World Cup craze and people came to class in their fav team's jersey. There's a particular team that has a cross on their badge/symbol/whatever..I don't know what it's called. :D But anyway the girl who wore that shirt wasn't a Christian and her friends started jeering at her. They mocked the cross and acted as if the cross was the grossest symbol ever. This happened right behind me. I repeat, right behind me. Ada la around 30 - 45cm punya distance. Kalau main sukat guna ludah, nda payah pun guna full power untuk sampai. Anyway, you know what hurts me the most? I didn't say a thing. It was like they were crucifying Him right behind me and I didn't say a thing. So yes, I was there when they crucified Him with their actions. I don't know how many times was I present when they crucified Him. But this one sticked to my mind. After class I went back to my room and cried. I silently cried because I felt ashamed of myself for not defending Him. Why didn't I put up a fight? I felt like a chicken in yellow feathers. A coward. A stinking coward. So I cried. I mean how can you say you love someone when you can't even defend them? I have been blaming myself since then. I told my parents and my most trusted teacher about this incident. They told me that God would understand and it isn't my fault. They meant well, I know. But those words didn't help at all. It was only recently that I realized that even in my silence I was defending Him. Yes, even silence meant defending Him. 

You see, I could have raised some chaos right there and then. But chaos my dear, isn't one of God's attributes. In my silence, there was peace. Sure la, my jiwa manada in peace directly after that. But the class was in peace :) Everything continued as usual. 

What if I had started a fight? I could have dissed them too. Mesti puas hati kan? Wrong. My classmates and I would be in a constant war and everyday would be like walking on eggshells. Salah cakap sikit mesti gaduh. Adeh, punya tension tu macam tu. I love my classmates regardless of their race, religion or beliefs. Not all la, but I try to see their positive sides instead of the bikin-panas side. Apa, ko fikir senang ka mo suka semua orang..haha. Masih trying sya bilang tu. Why? Because I believe that God is Love :) and in Love there's everlasting peace. So sya kasi maaf la dorang even though dorang ndada pun minta maaf..hee. Ndapa la ba tu. I still love my classmates :)

Maybe some of you have been in my position too. Sometimes maintaining your silence is a way of defending your beliefs too. Not all the time la, but sometimes. My God is is the God of Peace, Love and Hope.

So anytime whenever the question were you there when they crucified my Lord? pops into your head and you feel like you did nothing, think back. Maybe by doing nothing you have manifested God's glory :) 

May peace be with you and eternal love surround you :)

My First Post :D

Okay, my first post for my umpteenth attempt at blogging. I always get nervous + excited for my every 1st posts. Lame kan? :D

*searching for meaningful things to say and found nothing*

Anyways I am starting to blog again because one of my bestie, Becca Augustine said that I should. So here's to you :). It's not that I don't like writing because hey, I do :) it's more because I don't see a point in telling the world what I feel. I have friends and family for that. And for my emotional outbursts, I have my diary. I have about 8 diaries by now. I don't plan to stop writing in my diary after this though. Some things are just too personal for me to share, you know? :) So this will be like a edited version of my diary..hehe. 

Bengong also la for me to start blogging during the exam period. Haha! Well a girl's got to do what a girl's got to do.

Lagipun, I believe writing can do wonders for the reader and the author too.

Ba, let the adventure begin! :)

Biks, ko pray la sya tia malas mo jaga ni blog :D