It is the 29th of April in the year 2011! What else can I possibly be blogging about? Of course it's about The Royal Wedding. I'm surely gonna miss the single William. :(

So after 14 (wait, let me recalculate..2011-1997=14) yep, it is 14. As I said, after 14 years of admiring him I have to raise the white flag from the moment he said I do 'I will'.

Oi, oi. Unlike most girls who probably started to like him only today, I have been admiring him since I was a really little kid. I was like, barely 7 when I first 'saw' him. It was on TV of course. And sadly it was on his mom's funeral. Remember the Lady D and Dodi what's-his-name scandal? Yea. My mom was crying like crazy over the death of Lady D, but I was concentrating on him.

I don't know what it was about him that I admire so much (and I know Prince Harry is hotter and all that). It might be his cool, calm way of talking and his gentlemanly ways. Oh you know how crushes are. You don't even know what you like so much about them. :D You know, I even liked the fact that his teeth were yellowish which show that he wasn't vain enough to whiten them :D ugh, it's sick-I know.

Anyway, that thingy got stuck with me till this day. My exes have asked me whom do I think is the perfect man. And all of them got "Prince William" as an answer. Well they wanted the truth, so I gave them the truth.

And so on this day, I hereby announce that I shall no longer try no longer no longer have a crush on Prince William. Because liking a married man is so eww.

Anyhoo, I wish the happy couple all the happiness in the world and lots of cute babies :D May God bless them and their marriage so that they may stay true to their vows, come what may :)

You win Kate. *rolls eyes* Fine. The best lady won. Just be sure to make my William happy and I shall not begrudge you.

p/s: since the 'Prince William' spot in my life is vacant, my papers are gonna fill it for the time being. T.T 

Copy & Paste

Warning: This is another grumbly post. So if you ever did copy anything of me, kindly do not read for your own good.

Stuck

I feel like a hamster running in a wheel. You know, the exercise wheel you put the hamster in? Here's a picture to help you visualize.

It's like you can run as fast as you can but you'd always be back to where you started. I have felt this for sometime now. And I seriously don't like that feeling. 

And there was a time that I felt like a hamster in a cage. Yea, the cage gives me bigger space to run and play in a sense but when you sum it up, I'm still STUCK! Ugh.

So after some time, I began thinking of 'rebelling' out of the cage for fresher air. And I really did thought about it you know. Like, I was really seriously thinking of actually doing it. But then I felt really guilty of even thinking about it. The cage was always with me no matter what and it did give me shelter and stuff. So I decided against it. Can you believe that? I sacrificed my breath of fresh air for the sake of..I don't know, guilt maybe?

I tried to live with the thought that I am doing the right thing for some time. But the want of having a breath of fresh air never, ever left me. 

That dream of mine made me angry at that safe place of mine. I was angry because I was stuck and for all reasons. 

And now I feel like a hamster in a wheel. I can go wherever I want to go but I'm still confined. Gaaahhh! It's getting really stuffy in there, I tell you.

I was debating with myself thinking why I was acting this way. I'm supposed to be thankful (grateful even) for the fact that I have a safe space for me. In the wheel/cage/ball I was always safe because things are always predictable. It's safe, but it's not enough for me. Why am I being this way?

Then I realized that I am not a small wee hamster. I am tired of accommodating people. I don't want to be confined to anything. I don't want anyone to 'define' me. There is no stereotype of me! There is no stereotype for anyone for that matter. I don't want to be safe in a wheel/cage/ball where all I have to do is be a hamster and go 'ceet..ceet..ceet.." or something like that.

I want to be able to soar high into the heavens, to swim to the deepest part of the ocean - I just want to be able to grow to the 'size' and 'height' I was always meant to be. But I can't do that with the wheel/cage/ball. And I think the wheel/cage/ball would do better without me around. 

I'm feeling suffocated in here and I don't think I could do this any longer. I'm thankful for everything it has given me but I need something else because I was always the type who's always up for adventures and explorations. 

I wish the wheel/cage/ball all the best, but I gotta bust out from here. I'm not banishing the wheel/cage/ball though. I just want to be..umm, away-distanced maybe.


May the wheel/cage/ball find a hamster who's happy to be in it :)

I need to grow, and I want to. Even if it means I'll collect a number of scars along the way. 

And maybe someday I'll find my own safe place in which I'll be able to grow.

And maybe I will not. But I'll take that chance.

I raise my glass to a new beginning and a breath of fresh air :) 

May distance makes the heart grow fonder.

I know it's been like forever since I last blogged. I've been really busy with assignments, presentations and tests. I don't know how my seniors managed to pull through the 2nd year.

So anyway, of all the stuff that I did these while there's one thing that I'm really glad I did. :)

On the 2nd of March, I attended GIFT's 23rd AGM. I wasn't there for the nomination or anything. I just wanted to see how things were done the GIFT way. I mean, yea, I've attended AGM's before and I think I know how things are done but I still wanted to come.

Actually my senior, Icha asked me whether I was interested in taking over her department (Mission). I declined on the basis that I'm not ready yet. But deep down I know, I'm just looking for an easy way out. So I was caught in between my laziness and my heart. After thinking it over, I decided to really decline the offer. When I declined the offer, something felt weird. It's like, I want to do it but at the same time I don't want to. So when I said my prayers that night, I told God that I'm clueless and if He really wants me to work, He should let me know. And He should make it really obvious. I told Him I really needed help in deciding, i needed courage and guidance too. I didn't sleep much that night. But all the same, I attended the meeting in the morning. 

During the Praise & Worship session that day, something in the song really, I mean like REALLY struck me. 

.."whom shall I send?"

"I will go Lord if you lead me."

And I was like, "is that you, God? You talking to me ka?" 

But I ignored my own question, sebab sya chicken with yellow feathers takut the answer would be, "iya. ko la ba. ko seja yang pemalas sampai pantat berakar di kerusi."

I was pretty sure that I won't be nominated/nominating myself because at that moment I thought that all the posts were already taken. So I kinda smiled to myself because I thought that I was somehow 'safe'.

But boy was I wrong. The post for the vice coordinator of GIFT Faith DD was wide open. Remember the part where I told God that if he wants me, he should call me and make it real obvious? Guess what. That calling came in the form of my own friend, Batheromiaz. Dang, he's loud! What other calling can be be clearer than "ELISA" shouted at the top of his voice? (if you guys knew him, my point will be justified)

I was shocked, of course. I didn't expect that. 

Then I had this emergency chat with God. "You serious ka this? Me? Serious? What this turns out into a disaster? Ko biar betul!"

And I got His assurance in the form of another friend. When I was debating with myself or God or I don't know having inner battles, asking myself "What do You want me to do Lord? Accept ka? Ko yakin? Or should I stand down? What do You want me to do?", Walton walked right up and said, 

"Let God lead you."

You can call me weird or anything, but at that moment I didn't need any more assurance. That was all I needed. So I decided to say yes to the nomination and 'mengiklankan diri'. I didn't really know what to say. I just said what I felt saying. XD Lame o sya kan. Boo ni.

I had the honour of being the Vice Coordinator for GFDD. And I'm glad. And scared. Worried. Might freak out sometimes. 

Yea, you guys might say I'm overreacting over a small matter :) and maybe you're right. There are some fears in me that I hope God would gently heal through this post and I hope I could live up to the post I am holding. 

Who knows, God might work through my department to not only strengthen the faith of the people around us, but myself too. :)

Ciao~