Be True to Yourself

You love me? Why, thank you. But if you take the time and really look deep down inside you, you honestly don't. You don't know me. How can you say you love me? The way you throw the word 'love' around proves that.

Furthermore, if you really do feel that way about me you won't force me to do something that I don't want to do. You know how I feel about him yet you still terrorize me with all the stuff you do. I do not want to be with you. Don't you see, you don't love me, you just want to own me. 

If what you feel is true, you'd want me to be happy. Think about it, why do you want me to be with you? Because it'll make you happy? But what about me, where does MY happiness come in? Did you even consider that? You know I won't be happy with you. We both know that's true.  

*haih* bottom line is you do not want me you just want a girlfriend. 

Stop wasting your time on me.

Leave Me Be

JUST LEAVE ME BE.


Please.

If You Only Knew

Haih, sometimes people can be so ungrateful that I want to scream. 

I wish you knew what I gave up for you just because I value our months-old friendship. You have no idea how much it hurts me to give up what I had to give up. 

But then I can't and I shouldn't blame you for not knowing. Because it's supposed to be a sacrifice that I and I alone know about. Haih.

On another note, you know the guy that I was crushing on? I talked to my senior about it and he suggested that I try to forget it (though I didn't reveal who it concerned). And yea, I decided to take that advise. I am going to try to erase these feelings I feel and try not to be sulky or regretful about it. Good things come to those who wait, Elisa. I am going to be happy with it and see sense in this decision. 

THIS POST SHOULD NOT BE TAKEN AS AN ENCOURAGEMENT TO THOSE WHO IT MAY CONCERN. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

I know it will be hard on my part because it's been awhile since I met someone I could respect and admire, but I am stronger than all that though some tears might be shed *sob sob*   I CAN DO THIS! :O

On another another note (haha!), I am so excited with GIFT's upcoming event :D I actually feel like packing right now right here and just go already. Yea, I am THAT excited.

Why Complicate Life?

Why complicate life?

Missing somebody?

Call

Wanna meet up?

Invite

Wanna be understood?

Explain

Have questions?

Ask

Don't like something?

State it

Like something?

Say it

Want something?

Ask for it

Love someone?

Tell it

Nobody will know what's going on in your mind

It's better to express rather than to expect

You already have the NO

Take the risk of getting the YES

We just have one life

Keep it simple, silly 

I heard this on the radio. Yea, it's easy to imagine me keeping things simple but when it comes to reality, I always expect. I will try to keep it simple though, hopefully then life would be awesome-r haha :D

p/s: I just had my Confession a few hours back. Do pray that I will have the strength to be a better person. I want to be worthy to call Him, Father :) God bless!

This Is Happiness :)

I am so excited that I feel like exploding with excitement. Something so so awesome and fantastic happened to me. I can't really explain (which stinks) due to privacy reasons. But the bottom line is, wa manyak kempila o ini ali. I like this day. I shall remember this day as the most awesome day in my UTM history (so far). 

Hohoho. Thank you Lord. Nda sia-sia nda cukup tidur for a few weeks. (Wawa, not a word to anyone please) 

I can smile from ear to ear for the whole week now, I just need to think of those few moments and I'll be as good as new :)

In a totally unrelated event, I regret to tell you that I accidentally hurt someone without intending to. I am really sorry J. I honestly didn't mean any you any harm or pain. But things are the way things are and those are things that I can't do anything about. I really wish you all the happiness in the world :) I hope you can find it in your heart to wish the same for me too.

I hide, you hide. Who seeks?

I wish people would just say what they really feel and mean instead of playing the tug-of-war game. Not only is it confusing, it also is a HUGE waste of time.

I mean, why don't just say what's deep down in your heart or what you've been keeping hidden in your mind and just get it over with (but Elisa, a lot of people would be rather rude and hurt others). Okay, I wish people would just say what they really feel and mean but in such a way that it hurts no one. I include myself in this wish too.

You see, there are so many things that could've been settled long long ago when the dodos were still lording over the swamps (or wherever they chose to lord over). Things would be pretty simple and less confusing if we said what we mean. Mehh. I don't think things are gonna change, though. People would still hide. I will still hide as long as necessary. Oh well.

I have nothing to blog about. Pooh.

On another note, I had a perfectly splendid time with Wawa in JB :) 

Of Goodbyes and Eternity

I am supposed to be studying now. But I just had to blog, you know.

We just entered the year 2012 a few days back. I didn't get to spend it with my family though. But that's okay because I'll be on my way back home in a matter of days. Besides my exams starts on the 3rd. So yea, it does not bug me that much.

Anyways, I was thinking about the year 2012 and how people say that the world will end this year. I was thinking if it really happens and if hypothetically the Mayans miscalculated and the world ends sooner and I was not around the people I love and I didn't get to say my last words or tell them that I love them, what was I gonna do? That (hypothetically) is gonna be a really painful death.

So I was comparing it to unexpected deaths and how you don't really get to say your goodbyes. And it reminded me of a friend of mine who died nearly 3 years back. I am not going to reveal any name due to privacy reasons. Let's call him Jordan. He'd be 21 years and 3 months old by now :) 

The incident that took his life was informed to me by a friend through a text. I thought he was kidding so I texted Jordan asking him to assure me that he is okay. The text was successfully delivered but I never got a reply. That was when I started to cry because I was scared/worried of the reason why he wasn't replying me. It was the rainy season at that time. I remember watching the rain fall as I wait for a reply. It sounds like a movie scene but hey, where do you think the producers get ideas if not from real life itself?

So I went back to my dorm room - still waiting. And my annoying brain started playing all these flashbacks of the times we had. Some bad, some awesome, some just pretty awkward. I remembered how he always sat near me and Katt during Math class so that he can copy our work (he never does his). I remembered how he and Katt were arguing over smelly feet :D. I remember the times when the both of us would stay at the library during lunch to talk and mengumpat. Sometimes on good days, instead of having our mengumpat session and being shallow, we would talk about deeper stuff like the future, or sometimes just talk about his gf and my bf (now ex bf). And sometimes we would just share silly secrets. One time, during those sessions my contact lenses got so dry due to the air-conditioning that I had to remove them (yes, I have my contact lens case and eye drop with all the time those days). He was so amazed at how I can touch my eyeballs like it's no big deal. He was so amazed that he recorded it on his phone :D

And there were times when I'd be mad at him for copying my Math homework all the time  and we'd not talk. When I was really irritated/mad at him, he had the sense to not bug me. I remembered how he used to have all his adoring fans around him. I remembered how he promoted his t-shirt. I still have the shirt.

I remembered never telling him how much I appreciate his friendship. I never told him how happy I was having him as a friend. And that broke my heart.


He died that night after being in a coma and struggling for life for a few hours.

It still breaks my heart to this day because I know no matter how many entries I write dedicated to him, no matter how many times I post on his Facebook wall,or even if I write a book for him..it would never measure up to what I could've said when he was breathing. I never thought that I would miss him this much. I wish I can tell him how much I enjoy being his friend.

People say I should say a prayer for him every time I miss him instead of being melancholic, and I know that. But deep inside, I wish I had the sense back then to tell him all these things. I just wanna have a minute of our sessions together and say it to his face  - no matter how awkward it will sound. 

Dearest Y, 

I will always remember you as a talented and dedicated magician, a ladies man :D, a gadget freak, someone who's good in IT, a somewhat lazier bum than me, a funny dude, a show off, someone who I can talk about random stuff with, someone who's crazy enough to text me at 3am to inform me about crazy stuff, etc.


But above all these things, I'll always remember you as a friend who I was comfortable to be around. You're one of the few people that I can be crazy mad with but somehow I still want to be friends with.


I miss you Y. God bless.


*I wanted to insert a picture of us together but that would be contradicting the whole 'privacy thingy' right.

so here's a picture of us together. i tried to copy the real picture
but i'm not a good artist. he has the pinkest cheeks :) this was during our class's
night out and we were soaked in the rain.

On another note, my previous entry (Another Untitled Post), has been getting lots of views. Hmm. I wonder why. *curious face* 

Oh! Almost forgot. Happy new year 2012 people! Let's  avoid 'if only's in this year, yea? :D Let's treasure the things life offers - even exams.

Have a blessed year ahead of you.