Of Goodbyes and Eternity

I am supposed to be studying now. But I just had to blog, you know.

We just entered the year 2012 a few days back. I didn't get to spend it with my family though. But that's okay because I'll be on my way back home in a matter of days. Besides my exams starts on the 3rd. So yea, it does not bug me that much.

Anyways, I was thinking about the year 2012 and how people say that the world will end this year. I was thinking if it really happens and if hypothetically the Mayans miscalculated and the world ends sooner and I was not around the people I love and I didn't get to say my last words or tell them that I love them, what was I gonna do? That (hypothetically) is gonna be a really painful death.

So I was comparing it to unexpected deaths and how you don't really get to say your goodbyes. And it reminded me of a friend of mine who died nearly 3 years back. I am not going to reveal any name due to privacy reasons. Let's call him Jordan. He'd be 21 years and 3 months old by now :) 

The incident that took his life was informed to me by a friend through a text. I thought he was kidding so I texted Jordan asking him to assure me that he is okay. The text was successfully delivered but I never got a reply. That was when I started to cry because I was scared/worried of the reason why he wasn't replying me. It was the rainy season at that time. I remember watching the rain fall as I wait for a reply. It sounds like a movie scene but hey, where do you think the producers get ideas if not from real life itself?

So I went back to my dorm room - still waiting. And my annoying brain started playing all these flashbacks of the times we had. Some bad, some awesome, some just pretty awkward. I remembered how he always sat near me and Katt during Math class so that he can copy our work (he never does his). I remembered how he and Katt were arguing over smelly feet :D. I remember the times when the both of us would stay at the library during lunch to talk and mengumpat. Sometimes on good days, instead of having our mengumpat session and being shallow, we would talk about deeper stuff like the future, or sometimes just talk about his gf and my bf (now ex bf). And sometimes we would just share silly secrets. One time, during those sessions my contact lenses got so dry due to the air-conditioning that I had to remove them (yes, I have my contact lens case and eye drop with all the time those days). He was so amazed at how I can touch my eyeballs like it's no big deal. He was so amazed that he recorded it on his phone :D

And there were times when I'd be mad at him for copying my Math homework all the time  and we'd not talk. When I was really irritated/mad at him, he had the sense to not bug me. I remembered how he used to have all his adoring fans around him. I remembered how he promoted his t-shirt. I still have the shirt.

I remembered never telling him how much I appreciate his friendship. I never told him how happy I was having him as a friend. And that broke my heart.


He died that night after being in a coma and struggling for life for a few hours.

It still breaks my heart to this day because I know no matter how many entries I write dedicated to him, no matter how many times I post on his Facebook wall,or even if I write a book for him..it would never measure up to what I could've said when he was breathing. I never thought that I would miss him this much. I wish I can tell him how much I enjoy being his friend.

People say I should say a prayer for him every time I miss him instead of being melancholic, and I know that. But deep inside, I wish I had the sense back then to tell him all these things. I just wanna have a minute of our sessions together and say it to his face  - no matter how awkward it will sound. 

Dearest Y, 

I will always remember you as a talented and dedicated magician, a ladies man :D, a gadget freak, someone who's good in IT, a somewhat lazier bum than me, a funny dude, a show off, someone who I can talk about random stuff with, someone who's crazy enough to text me at 3am to inform me about crazy stuff, etc.


But above all these things, I'll always remember you as a friend who I was comfortable to be around. You're one of the few people that I can be crazy mad with but somehow I still want to be friends with.


I miss you Y. God bless.


*I wanted to insert a picture of us together but that would be contradicting the whole 'privacy thingy' right.

so here's a picture of us together. i tried to copy the real picture
but i'm not a good artist. he has the pinkest cheeks :) this was during our class's
night out and we were soaked in the rain.

On another note, my previous entry (Another Untitled Post), has been getting lots of views. Hmm. I wonder why. *curious face* 

Oh! Almost forgot. Happy new year 2012 people! Let's  avoid 'if only's in this year, yea? :D Let's treasure the things life offers - even exams.

Have a blessed year ahead of you.