Finally! I'm not crazy!

Okay, here's the thing. I've been battling with some kind of emotional stress since the beginning of this semester. And it became worse in these few weeks. It might seem as I've been doing okay all this while. Well yeah, it comes and goes you know? Macam line celcom di bilik sya la, kijap ada kijap tiada. At first, I told myself that I could handle it. Yakin ba kunun hati sya tegap. Some times memang okay, some times I cannot do anything. 

I am originally a person with mood swings. One moment I'd be laughing and the next moment jadi moody. Budu ni ba..haha. Kalau tia percaya, tanya Becca. Dia muak suda nampak muka shrek sya tu. But my mood swings kan usually happy atau bagaya ja ba. Nda pernah ni involve menangis. But these past few weeks tiba-tiba pandai menangis. Sya tau pa ko mo cakap. Mesti ko cakap, ''o biasa ba tu. ko stress ba tu. sya pun pandai menangis kalau stress.'' Kan kan kan? Mungkin betul juga la. Tapi kan, sya bukan jenis yang suka menangis. Kalau sya stress usually sya tidur, tulis dalam diary, hit the movies atau pi main basketball sama si Bika. Menangis tu nda la. Macho ba sya. But these past few eeks, I've been crying for no reason. I repeat, NO REASON. Matai. Sya pun bingung ni. And then nda dapat tidur la, things like that la. So I went online, pi search ba kunun. Guess what? Most of the things I've been through is the symptom of depression. Nah ko. Trus sya menangis (yang ni ada reason). Ba depression tu buli consider as mental illness suda ba tu a.k.a muhau. Siapa la mo mengaku gila.

So I kept it to myself for sometime because I don't think anyone would understand. I'm afraid of what people would say too. I don't even know why I feel what I feel and other people's judgement would only increase my insecurity. But in the end, I felt that I should talk to someone about it. And I'm glad I did :) 

So here's to Becca who stayed up with me just to listen to what I had to say and actually understood what I felt. I know I'm a lousy friend so you should save this post or whatever because I'm not gonna say this often. Thank you kio, ko memang awesome tahap Runge-Kutta. I know at times sya memang bikin panas but hey, you're one of my closest friend and I labi labi you. Eww gross, I know. But I mean it.

Here's to my sister, Wawa who always listened and never did judge me. Thank you for praying with me. That prayer was beautiful :) I know you love me, you remind me of that every time we're on the phone. I love you too. And ''aumm! Elisa can do it!''. There, I said it. This is shameful.

Here's to my mommy whom I sometimes call Momma, Ibu, Emak or Bonda. Thank you for reminding me that no matter what kind of harm the evil ones try to inflict on me, I'm much stronger than that because I am and would always be God's princess. Sorry for not telling you about it earlier, I planned to tell you and Daddy after I come home ba actually..hee. Don't worry so much, I'll take care :) 

Here's to my little sister Muchauski who prayed to God to send angels to look after me. Kakak loves you, little bug. :)

So anyway, what's the point of me writing this? Well I bet there are millions out there who might have felt or are feeling the same things I felt. Here's what I got to say. You're not crazy. Talk to someone who might understand and no matter what your religion is, pray. Pray hard. You'll be okay :) I'll pray for you too. You can and you will pull through. May peace be unto you :)

This is my version of serenity :)