Getting Rid of Feelings

I am starting to care. I am starting to feel. And I don't like it, to be honest.

I somehow wish that I have the switch which I can use to switch off the feelings (macam dalam Vampire Diaries).

*sigh* I am starting to feel things I didn't want to feel again. Ini bukan post jiwang. Ini post malas.

I feel so exposed and vulnerable like this. I feel so fragile. I don't like it. Fragile is so not Elisa.

I feel insecure. 

I think I already know where this is heading. I don't want to feel like I did back in 2008. 

Bah.

Baiklah, let's upgrade those security walls and barriers. Up goes the 8ft walls. Slam goes the gates. Deepen the moat around my feelings. 

Let's do this.

You, my dearest, should not be to me more than a friend. Not because you're not good enough. It's because you're excellent. It's because I have to protect me from hurting myself through you :'( I am sure I'll regret this but I have to do it.